Wait a minute!

What am I doing??
I am not the one who is to rescue us.
Why do I do this?
And the really screwed thing is that my husband allows it! He doesn't EVER go over the top or go the extra mile to make things happen. Why should I?
He is lazy and selfish and vain!
He is headed for disaster and I will not let him take me with him!!
I feel SO STUPID thinking things were actually getting better.
But they aren't...not with him, at least. He is still 'ol Ron and will never change.
I am back at this place where I don't want to live with "dear 'ol Ron". I'm done with Mr. "Nice GUy"...he really isn't that nice. He is passive and manipulative and hurtful!
What does he do for me? Nothing! Everything he does do, is for his own benefit.
I want to be LOVED, CHERISHED, UNITED.......he can't nor won't ever be able to treat me the way I am created to be treated because he refuses to submit to Christ. He won't be able to be the man I need with out Christ.
OOHHH I am so mad at myself for falling for this AGAIN!
I want to get off this merry-go-round!

A moment to reflect....

Finally..... have a moment to reflect!
With working more than full time for the past few weeks; training at The Gardens, my new weekend job, plus helping out at Sammamish Escrow, I haven't had any time to think, clear my head, reflect or ponder!
What am I doing working 7 days a week?
Why are feelings of resentment coming up again?
I'm frustrated with myself that I'm not setting any boundaries.
I miss taking my walks, being available for Jaycob, cleaning house, spending time with my friends.
And my resentment is towards Ron because he just wants the money and the freedom of not having me around.
Father, I need Your grace and direction. I need to reevaluate....guide me and help me be confident and secure in my decisions.

Kaitlyn

Today we are praying and fasting for Kaitlyn.
There seems to be a small tumor on her brain, and it has been causing her some numbness on the left side of her body......hands tingling, foot numbing, etc....
We are trusting God to heal her COMPLETELY!!
"Praise the Lord, O my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
Praise the Lord, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits-
who forgives all your sins
AND HEALS ALL YOUR DISEASES!"
Psalm 103:1-3

Faithful

Faithful.....God is faithful!
Yes! He rewards a heart that seeks Him!
1) I have a new job....a perfect job.....to help with Katie's new school expenses!
2) Josh went to church and has reconnected with his Teen Challenge buddies!
3) Ron admitted that we MUST tithe!
4) Katie decided to quit smoking!

Friendship Traditions

This was quite a year of obstacles to overcome in order for the Girls to get together for our Traditional Christmas Gift Exchange! The first obstacle is that for the first time in our 15 years of friendship, we all have to work! (The mom-stay-at-home days are over for us!) Finding a date that was available was a challenge. Second, we had record snow dump on us....more than any of us ever remember, which left us either stranded at home for days or with minimal transportation. Then there was just the busy-ness of holiday parties, baking, shopping, wrapping, family visiting and family activities! December just wasn't going to see the three of us alone! So Suzabell set the date (thanks, Sue!!) for January 7th at Ruthie's in North Bend. Little did we know there would be record RAINS and flooding that night! But we were determined to make this work! Sue and I traveled east on I-90, being careful to avoid flooded roads, standing water and falling trees! When we arrived safely, we passed Brian heading out the door (in his rubber boots and big new Rig!) to help rescue his sister's flooded basement! But that didn't interrupt us! Ruthie had chilled champagne, candlelight and an array of appetizers waiting for us! We nestled in, sipping on champagne and wine, opened gifts and shared friendship from our hearts. God has truly blessed us with the BEST FRIENDSHIP any girl could ever ask for. This will be a Tradition that I will look forward to every year! And we won't let any obstacles get in the way!

FASTING

We are invited to a Fast this first week of January 2009 by Pastor Steve. I really want to participate, as I am aware of some things that I would like to surrender to God. He has given me much grace this past year! I haven't carried the weight of the world, as I used to; I am not living off emotion, as I have for most of my life; I have freely "indulged" in eating what I want, drinking when I want, sleeping when I want and waking up when I want! I haven't been enslaved to or had to adhere to any sort of schedule or routine. This is something I have NEVER experienced before in my life!
But I am also missing those sweet times of fellowship and intimacy with my Father. And I guess I'm thinking that if I Fast, I will find Him in a new and refreshing way.
The kind of Fast that I desire is a Daniel Fast.....Fasting from any sort of foods or beverages that would be considered indulgent or unnecessary. Like sugar, white flour, wine, meat, popcorn, chocolates, etc.....all the foods that I have allowed back into my life, eating them as a form of entertainment or satisfaction. I believe that if I refrain from these things for the week, and instead choose to feed on God's word, pray, or worship, that I will experience a new and fresh touch and word from God.
I need and desire His word, love, closeness, direction! I want to walk in His will for me! I trust that He is placing me in His will even now, but I desire even more of Him!!
One thing for certain, I can not accomplish this in my own strength. I need the help of the Holy Spirit which lives inside of me as my strength, counselor and friend! This will require being humble, submissive and obedient, if this is in line of what God would want for me, as well.
Father, is this desire coming from You? Is this what You are calling me to?
Can You please confirm that what I am about to embark on this week would be in line with Your plan for me? I need to know that You are pleased with me.
I will wait and watch for an answer from You, knowing that the answer may not come right away!!

Love,
Your Daughter

Goodbye to 2008!
Hello to 2009!

2007 The Year of Completion
2008 The Year of New Beginnings
2009 The Year of Provision

What lies ahead for 2009?
There are so many opportunities to see God do the miraculous! Not only for us, but in us!
I am fully aware that I have alot of growing up still to do, and I am willing and ready!

I am excited!