Let's be HONEST....

Let's be HONEST.....Here's a rare glimpse into the REALITY of life right now! Really don’t know what to do…..what do I have control over and what don’t I have control over? 1st....The kids: Cell phones - This is a luxury we can’t afford right now. I would easily shut the accounts down, but Ron is involved and doesn’t support the decision. Internet - Another luxury and influence that we need to monitor. Katie’s behavior on MySpace is shockingly disappointing. Did I do this??? J osh back to RAP music with deplorable lyrics….WHY is he doing this? Josh playing around, not serious about Jaycob, finding work, going to school or moving forward. Not going to church either…no fellowship. Why do I feel so alone in all this? Ron never really takes responsibility for anything much. He overdraws his checking account, wastes money on non-essentials, and shows no interest in changing his ways. I love my job….thinking about going to school. I may need to have a career to provide for myself someday. Ron doesn’t think about the future and I’m not certain that we are still fit for ever? I KNOW God is for me. I LOVE HIM! He is so good to me! Father, what shall I do, if anything?? I’m frustrated again. I want to empower and encourage my kids, but EVERYTHING I do, Ron undoes!!! EVERYTHING!! He is not a leader, nor a parent. He just wants to be friends with everyone, including his kids. He hurts a lot of people by this behavior. It is so selfish! When I read about how to be a better wife, I really WANT to have a man that I can partner with, respect, admire and enjoy. But life with him just seems like one big joke. How do I honor THAT? Change of thought.......I also need to get back to taking care of myself! I haven’t been to the gym in over a month! I don’t go to CR anymore……want a stronger group. Don’t even go out with the girls anymore? Tonight we have Jaycob. This is fine. But what is Josh doing??Blah Blah Blah!! I MUST walk tonight!