Trying to count my blessings.....

1. Katie has a job at ALDO shoe store in Bell Square
2. Josh has a job at Red Robin in Issaquah
3. I have a job at Sammamish Escrow
4. John has a job at Discount Tires
5. Melissa has a job at QFC
6. Ron still has a job for the City of Seattle
7. Jaycob stays in our home Fridays-Mondays consistantly

Headed Home...

Scott Patrick, Mike Newport, Ruth Vein.....
Men and Women who loved the Lord and were called home.
Each one leaving behind dearly loved ones......children, spouses, families and friends.
Each one leaving behind a legacy of faith and hope for all to follow.
Each one missed.
May we remember the impact they have had on our lives and hold close to our hearts the hopes they shared for those left behind.

Pondering Thoughts

"I lift up my eyes to the hills~
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip~
He who watches over you will not slumber of sleep.

The Lord watches over you~
the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day,
not the moon by night."

Psalm 121:1-6

I'm back to feeling like me, but this may not be a good thing.
I am having anxiety again, I am overwhelmed, stuff is annoying me
more and more that didn't when I was on meds.

I'm still working 6-7 days a week, and MUST give my notice at The Gardens.
(Kinda hard to do after a GREAT review that gushed with praise!)
I really have no marriage to speak of. My daughter and I don't get along at all.
Josh and Jaycob don't need me anymore. My friends are all busy.....
I'm feeling sorry for myself right now.

We have not paid mortgage in 3 months! What is going to happen?
I have not been to church in 3 months.....maybe once or twice at the most.
I am tired all the time, so can't find time to be alone with God.

What is next.

Waiting for instruction...

I have learned some things that I am not quite sure how to respond to.
My husband continues to live in a life of lies...lies upon lies upon lies.
And he makes up more lies and excuses to cover the lies!
How does someone do this for so many years without going absolutely bonkers??
God, do you see this?
Are you aware?
Will you ever reveal THE TRUTH??
After returning from an incredible time at Sundown Ranch, holding now a new set of tools to live by, and having a new hope for our family.......I wonder HOW healing will ever occur when ONE PERSON continues to SABOTAGE all efforts to restore.
Ron enables Josh....so much so that he actually PARTIED with him on the way to rehab????
What kind of a father does that????
Ron allows Katie to drink and stay out all night, never holding her accountable to anything! She is 17 and doesn't even have a job yet?

How much longer, Lord?? And I know that I am not to move forward with any plans of my own!
I have tried that and it hasn't gotten me anywhere!
"We did not inquire of Him about how to do it in the prescribed way." 1 Chronicles 15:13

"I call on the Lord in my distress, and He answers me.
Save me, O Lord, from lying lips and from deceitful tongues.
What will he do to you, and what more besides, O deceitful tongue?
He will punish you with a warrior's sharp arrows, with burning coals of the broom tree.

Woe to me that I dwell in Meshech, that I live among the tents of Kedar!
Too long have lived among those who hate peace.
I am a woman of peace; but when I speak, they are for war."
Psalm 120

Anne-isms

DON'T JUST "go through the motions"!
LIVE in the MOMENT!!



POSITIONED to SERVE before POSTIONED to LEAD!

ANSWERS......for today.

I am convinced that working 6 days a week is something I can only do in a strength that is not my own. Can I just make it to the summer? To cover Katie's school expenses? I am getting tired and I am never home! Although, I am not needed at home like I have been in the past.
Katie is thriving at school! She is even on Honor Roll! WOW! John and Melissa are looking to buy a house, so will be moving out perhaps by summer. Josh has been living a life of lies and struggles, and really needs to get out on his own! And Jaycob can always come home to us, whether Josh lives there or not.
I'm really enjoying the escrow job.......have started to OWN my position and see a future here also. I have alot of flexibility with the job. I spoke with Larry about the permanance of my position at Sammamish Escrow, and he was convincing enough to make me want to really dive in. I love that I am a part of a team! And I keep growing and learning, too.
What am I to do about The Gardens job, though? I will have to wait on this one.
I am right where I need to be for TODAY!!

Waiting......patiently??

If we never took any risks, played it safe, stayed in the comfortable.......denied the callings and desires of our hearts......where would that take us?
Do we trust God enough to "lay out there" what we think we'd like to do/have?
For me, I am working 7 days a week. Five days at Sammamish Escrow, two days at The Gardens.
Both jobs are amazing, fun, challenging, interesting, up-my-alley jobs!
The people I work with and for are all GREAT people!
The opportunities for growth and advancement are possible with both companies.
But how long can I work seven days a week? Or even six (Mondays off to play with Jaycob)?
If I could choose, which would I choose?
I would like my weekends back, for sure!
My heart is in Bellevue and with serving people.
I would like to have a career....I never really thought I would, but I do! I really like working!
So what would be the risk and speaking out what I truly want? Why do I feel I need to Play It Safe? I know with the Lord, He has a plan, so I wait without moving. But I have to say out loud, to Him, that I do trust Him. And what I want is.........to work for ERA Living full-time, eventually moving from Front Desk into a sales/marketing position. I love to network. I know this community. I have alot of contacts. I could see me in this position someday.
But I also thought I saw me as a Director for BeautiControl, and that never happened.
And why do I need to SEE?

"Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides you, who acts on behalf of those who wait for him.
You come to the help of those who gladly do right, who remember your ways." Isaiah 64:4,5

Bottom line:
I am ready!
I will wait....and watch....and trust.
But I will be ready when the time comes! I will not miss out!
This is living!

PRAYER request...

FATHER....
If it be in Your will, I ask that Jaycob could attend Little Miracles Preschool this fall on Mon-Wed-Fri. You alone know his needs and what would be best for him. You alone know where the resources would come from. I place this in Your faithful hands. Amen.

Wait a minute!

What am I doing??
I am not the one who is to rescue us.
Why do I do this?
And the really screwed thing is that my husband allows it! He doesn't EVER go over the top or go the extra mile to make things happen. Why should I?
He is lazy and selfish and vain!
He is headed for disaster and I will not let him take me with him!!
I feel SO STUPID thinking things were actually getting better.
But they aren't...not with him, at least. He is still 'ol Ron and will never change.
I am back at this place where I don't want to live with "dear 'ol Ron". I'm done with Mr. "Nice GUy"...he really isn't that nice. He is passive and manipulative and hurtful!
What does he do for me? Nothing! Everything he does do, is for his own benefit.
I want to be LOVED, CHERISHED, UNITED.......he can't nor won't ever be able to treat me the way I am created to be treated because he refuses to submit to Christ. He won't be able to be the man I need with out Christ.
OOHHH I am so mad at myself for falling for this AGAIN!
I want to get off this merry-go-round!

A moment to reflect....

Finally..... have a moment to reflect!
With working more than full time for the past few weeks; training at The Gardens, my new weekend job, plus helping out at Sammamish Escrow, I haven't had any time to think, clear my head, reflect or ponder!
What am I doing working 7 days a week?
Why are feelings of resentment coming up again?
I'm frustrated with myself that I'm not setting any boundaries.
I miss taking my walks, being available for Jaycob, cleaning house, spending time with my friends.
And my resentment is towards Ron because he just wants the money and the freedom of not having me around.
Father, I need Your grace and direction. I need to reevaluate....guide me and help me be confident and secure in my decisions.

Kaitlyn

Today we are praying and fasting for Kaitlyn.
There seems to be a small tumor on her brain, and it has been causing her some numbness on the left side of her body......hands tingling, foot numbing, etc....
We are trusting God to heal her COMPLETELY!!
"Praise the Lord, O my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
Praise the Lord, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits-
who forgives all your sins
AND HEALS ALL YOUR DISEASES!"
Psalm 103:1-3

Faithful

Faithful.....God is faithful!
Yes! He rewards a heart that seeks Him!
1) I have a new job....a perfect job.....to help with Katie's new school expenses!
2) Josh went to church and has reconnected with his Teen Challenge buddies!
3) Ron admitted that we MUST tithe!
4) Katie decided to quit smoking!

Friendship Traditions

This was quite a year of obstacles to overcome in order for the Girls to get together for our Traditional Christmas Gift Exchange! The first obstacle is that for the first time in our 15 years of friendship, we all have to work! (The mom-stay-at-home days are over for us!) Finding a date that was available was a challenge. Second, we had record snow dump on us....more than any of us ever remember, which left us either stranded at home for days or with minimal transportation. Then there was just the busy-ness of holiday parties, baking, shopping, wrapping, family visiting and family activities! December just wasn't going to see the three of us alone! So Suzabell set the date (thanks, Sue!!) for January 7th at Ruthie's in North Bend. Little did we know there would be record RAINS and flooding that night! But we were determined to make this work! Sue and I traveled east on I-90, being careful to avoid flooded roads, standing water and falling trees! When we arrived safely, we passed Brian heading out the door (in his rubber boots and big new Rig!) to help rescue his sister's flooded basement! But that didn't interrupt us! Ruthie had chilled champagne, candlelight and an array of appetizers waiting for us! We nestled in, sipping on champagne and wine, opened gifts and shared friendship from our hearts. God has truly blessed us with the BEST FRIENDSHIP any girl could ever ask for. This will be a Tradition that I will look forward to every year! And we won't let any obstacles get in the way!

FASTING

We are invited to a Fast this first week of January 2009 by Pastor Steve. I really want to participate, as I am aware of some things that I would like to surrender to God. He has given me much grace this past year! I haven't carried the weight of the world, as I used to; I am not living off emotion, as I have for most of my life; I have freely "indulged" in eating what I want, drinking when I want, sleeping when I want and waking up when I want! I haven't been enslaved to or had to adhere to any sort of schedule or routine. This is something I have NEVER experienced before in my life!
But I am also missing those sweet times of fellowship and intimacy with my Father. And I guess I'm thinking that if I Fast, I will find Him in a new and refreshing way.
The kind of Fast that I desire is a Daniel Fast.....Fasting from any sort of foods or beverages that would be considered indulgent or unnecessary. Like sugar, white flour, wine, meat, popcorn, chocolates, etc.....all the foods that I have allowed back into my life, eating them as a form of entertainment or satisfaction. I believe that if I refrain from these things for the week, and instead choose to feed on God's word, pray, or worship, that I will experience a new and fresh touch and word from God.
I need and desire His word, love, closeness, direction! I want to walk in His will for me! I trust that He is placing me in His will even now, but I desire even more of Him!!
One thing for certain, I can not accomplish this in my own strength. I need the help of the Holy Spirit which lives inside of me as my strength, counselor and friend! This will require being humble, submissive and obedient, if this is in line of what God would want for me, as well.
Father, is this desire coming from You? Is this what You are calling me to?
Can You please confirm that what I am about to embark on this week would be in line with Your plan for me? I need to know that You are pleased with me.
I will wait and watch for an answer from You, knowing that the answer may not come right away!!

Love,
Your Daughter